Wrestling Mose

WARNING:

These my friends....



These are my friends on Foxfield.....

Any questions?

Prom night

Better late than never, The Official O.C. Prom Running Diary....



9:01: One minute in and we're already making jokes about rape whistles, somewhere the Duke lacrosse team is smiling.

9:04: Volchuck is making out with some girl on the beach. Seth says maybe it's his cousin, which would actually be likely if we were watching The W.V.

9:07: Um, Seth tricks Summer into meeting him at the diner by saying he's some admissions guy from Brown. Right, some guy from beautiful Providence, Rhode Island is going to fly out to that hole, Orange County, all to meet up at a diner for pancakes. Admissions standards at Brown must be way down this year.

9:08: Volchuck gets asked to the Harbor High Prom, do they make denim tuxedos with the sleeves ripped off. Oh wait, shocking, Volchuck isn't a prom sort of guy. He never made to his own prom b/c he didn't get that close to graduation, double shocking.

9:14: Wait, wait, wait. Did I just hear that correctly? I'm pretty sure that taylor townsend said she is going to prom with a korean dude named Som Ho. Seriously, I'm envisioning a scene where Seth takes a few bong hits, then laughs uncontrollably for 20 minutes when he gets introduced to a guy name Som Ho. Also, Taylor says she loves hooking up with this guy b/c he's hairless and it's like hooking up with a seal. Well, if it works for Heidi Klum



9:20: So apparently Summer is going to prom with some imported Korean pop star. I figured I should find out a bit more about this phenomenon known as KPop. KPop is the nickname for Korean popular music found in South Korea (for some pop music isn't that big in North Korea). It combines elements of techno, rap and rock. The following are my favorite names of KPop artists:
Drunken Tiger
Rumble Fish
SE7EN (Always good to name yourself after a movie about a nasty serial killer)
Ryu (A much cooler choice for a Street Fighter homage than Ken)
DBSG(Dong Bang Shin Gi): I see why they went with the abbreviation. It's a good thing I don't live in Korea, I don't think I'm mature enough not to giggle when I hear these names.

9:24: Someone needs to tell Anna that bangs are not okay. I think bangs are like mullets for girls.

9:26: Apparently, since Marisa waited til the last minute to ask Volchuk to prom. As a result, she didn't have time to get a prom dress and decided to wear a curtain.

9:28: Volchok steals some liquor from Sandy to fill his prom flask. Nice to see that Dad of the Year has so much alcohol around the house occupied by a recovering alcoholic...nice call.

9:30: Awesome, the prom looks like Pirate's Cove Miniature Golf Course.

9:36: Big Korea continues to make funny hand gestures. I need to hang out with someone like this.



9:42: Summer falls off the giant pirate ship after winning Prom Queen. This is pretty much the biggest prom disaster since my senior prom when I invited a girl who apparently was entranced by sparkly things. This led to her standing mesmerized in front of the shark tank (our prom was at an aquarium) and twirling around repeatedly throughout the night because she thought it was cool how her dress looked in the reflection. Maybe this was cool until at one point she twirled and fell over. I'm not kidding.

9:43: Busy week for Theresa, first Prom on the OC, then she gets killed off on Lost.

9:52: Drunk Summer agrees with me about Anna's hair.

9:53: Seth tell Summer the truth. Summer pukes. Summer realizes that she left Seth's list of past indiscretions on the desk for Sandy to find. Summer pukes. Never would have guessed that she'd regret that decision. So unpredictable.

9:55: Never would have seen this coming. Taylor's money for the after-party has been stolen. Who keeps 5 grand in cash in an unattended purse for the entire night. Taylor just paid the stupid tax.

9:58: Ryan may or may not have just killed Volchuck, at least Marissa didn't shoot him. I see some serious brooding in our future.

So you want to know what Foxfield is like?

Lets just say that this likely will not be part of the recruiting video for a certain Wall St. firm next year. Take a look at the link below. Nice work Crowe.



Viking Chug

Been a long time....

I apologize to all of my loyal readers about the lack of posts recently. I was away on vacation for a week and for some reason, people expect me to focus on catching up on my real job. I'm going to need a few more days to catch up, but trust me, I'll make up for it. So check back this weekend.

In the meantime, in case you haven't seen this, check it out. It's kind of like the "Lazy Sunday" of the macroeconomic set.

Notorious F.E.D.

Sorry Pete

I got an email from Pete Doherty, the guy who is a constant reminder of just how far Kate Moss has fallen (I would make a joke about how she wasn't that high to begin with, but we all know that's not true.....ZING). Anyway, Pete was really pissed that not only did he get excluded from that list of the 100 unsexiest men alive, but I also excluded him from my near miss list. So in honor of you Mr. Doherty, a tribute to your repugnance.

Just plain fugly

I'm out on vacation this week, but I will do my best to get some new stuff out there for everyone.

There was a story that got a decent amount of press this past week from Thephoenix.com, which pretty much listed the 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. Overall, I think they did a pretty good job, Randy Johnson checked in at #2, 6 spots ahead of Osama bin Laden, which feels about right. But there were a few glaring omissions that I feel need to be addressed. Here are a few people I would have added.

Gheorghe Muresan:
Really? This guy didn't make the cut? Seriously? Even the way he spells his name is hideous. He was born for this. He sucked at basketball, but was a first ballot unanimous selection in the Ugly Hall of Fame. The 7'7'' Romanian even found time to make a movie called My Giant with Billy Crystal. Somewhere Gheorghe and the entire population of Romania is ready to riot over this injustice.


Benicio Del Toro:
At least this proves that either I have a slight chance at hooking up with Scarlett Johanson or life just isn't fair. Probably the latter.



Sheldon Williams:
Not only is this guy the most overrated defender in college basketball history, but he looks like Ken Griffey Jr. in that episode of the Simpsons when he drinks Mr. Burns's special tonic and gets gigantism.




Mick Jaggar and Keith Richards:
Perhaps this list was only for people that are still alive. Wait, what's that? These guys are still kicking? Watching the spandex-laden Super Bowl halftime show was nearly enough to make me swear off of HD forever.



Sam Cassell:
Proof that life does exist on other planets.

Barry Bonds only has WTP

Like Joel Bernstein, Big Bad Barry only seems to have warning track power. Looks like Mr. 73 can't quite reach McCovey Cove these days. If that doesn't convince you that he was juicing, take a look at his rookie card. Thanks for this one Spira.

RYAN ATWOOD GRADUATES!!!! Soon

I know I'm a little late, but here's what it would be like if you were sitting on the couch with me watching The O.C. last week.

9:00 Viewer Discretion being advised is ALWAYS a good thing.

9:02: Seth is good at cooking fish, perhaps he can work at Long John Silver's since that whole Brown thing isn't working out

9:03: Apparently the guys only get two tickets each to graduation, that means not enough room for the Nana. Ryan plays the woe is me card (not to be confused with Joey Lawrence's WHOA!! is me card), and says that the Cohens can have his tickets since he's got nobody to use them. I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little tired of Ryan feeling sorry for himself. He's been taken out of Chino by a really rich family, drives a sweet car, hooks up with all sorts of smokin girls, and has gotten into Berkeley, seriously, stop your whining. Can I also remind you that the guy that plays Ryan was a drama nerd a year older than me at UVA whose last name was Schenken, he wasn't exactly "Schenken'" girls like Marisa Cooper back at the U, so lets calm down there with the drama just a bit Ben, thanks.

9:03:30: Ryan looking sad and pensive. I think he used to work at the Chic-Fil-A at UVA.

9:04: CALIFORNIA....CALIFORNIIIIIIIAAAAA.....HERE WE COMMMMMMME (gets me everytime)

9:05: I wish that people actually danced like idiots while walking down the street and listening to music on their cell phones like they do in these commercials, it would give me something else to mock.

9:07: How does Volchuck manage to break into all of Marisa's various homes, apartments and trailers?

9:08 Julie Cooper is about to lay the smack down. Here's my question: Exactly what is the probation period that you are placed on as a parent after sleeping with your high school daughter's ex-boyfriend before you are allowed to give parental relationship advice to your kid? I mean, come on, a season and a half seems a bit too quick.

9:09: unnecessary amenity at Harbor High this week: Those glass covers to put on top of metal trays for the donuts and bagels at the cafeteria.

9:11: Sweet. Summer realizes that something has to be wrong with Seth, because "a guy like him is physically incapable of walking away from a girl like me." Thank you, maybe you're not so dumb, despite the fact that you thought that Rhode Island is actually an island. Seth is a moron. Seriously, why do I get so angry to the point I'm yelling at the TV? This is the O.C. I hope I get as worked up for the birth of my first child or I am going to have some serious pangs of guilt afterwards.

9:11: This whole Matt/Sandy/Ass Hospital Guy who went to Duke storyline is getting kind of old.

9:12: Wow, Volchuck is wearing a denim shirt with the sleeves cut off and Marisa is wearing one of those shirts where the neckhole is too big, so it falls off of one shoulder, it's like we've been teleported back to a crappy 80's movie like Flashdance. PS. I'm pretty sure that Volchuck is squatting in an abandoned warehouse.

9:13: In case you were wondering, I am using DVR to the fullest extent possible to write all of this stuff, it's amazing how much is going on in my head during the OC. Ryan just arrived in Albuqueque to find his mom. A few things about the ABQ

1. It has a BADASS skyline:


2. In 2001, one of ABQ's Finest, made national headlines, when he landed a police helicopter at a Krispy Kreme to pick up some snacks.

3. Lanzhou is Albuquerque's sister city in China. I imagine the conversation that determined that was a bit like the fat nerdy kid in high school trying to get a date to the prom (not that I know). I bet it went something like this.

ABQ: "So, uh, Lanzhou, do you have, a, uh, you know, well, um, a sister city here in the US?"
L: "Who are you again?"
ABQ: "I'm the capital of New Mexico, it's pretty sweet, we have sand."
L: "Uh, that's cool, listen I think I need to go to class."
ABQ: "Wait, wait, wait, you never answered me about that whole sister city deal."
L: "I was kind of hoping that New York was going to ask me."
ABQ: "He's already going with Shanghai, and Chicago and LA are set up with Beijing and Nanchung, pretty much everyone is already taken. Did I mention that I'm the only state capital with two Q's in my name? Pretty awesome."
L: "Fine, I'll be your sister city, just don't tell anyone, and we're NOT taking any pictures together."

9:15: The hot trailer trash girl with the bad dye job sees Ryan walking away from the dinner b/c he can't face his mom and her chopper riding boyfriend. She's met him for about 30 seconds and asks "if he wants to go somewhere." My guess is that they're headed back to his place to get us some of that Viewer Discretion that we've been advised about.

9:18: Apparently Fox 5 News is going to tell us about how Molly the Cat is still stuck between two buildings. Seriously, what the F? Isn't this New York City? The biggest, best, chock-full-o news city in the world? I think I'm getting the feed from the ABQ.

9:20: How great would an episode of Parental Control on MTV be with Marisa, Volchuck, and Julie Cooper? Seriously, if you haven't seen that show, check it out, more about it at a later point.

9:22: Ryan definitely got his denim jacket from the Brokeback Mountain collection.

9:23: Here's the Viewer Discretion we've been waiting for. Ryan brings the double-wide queen back to his hotel for some serious Schenken. Albuquerque should hire this girl to join the Tourism Board.

9:24: Sandy looks at a model of the hospital. Someone should tell him it looks like a hospital for ants. It would need to be at least 3 times that size.

9:25: Seth breaks up with Summer. He has officially opened some sort of portal directly to hell (like in Ghostbusters with the Gozer). Here's how it works, one extremely dorky guy in the world gets to date a ridiculously attractive way over his head type of girl. Seth screwed up with Summer and now this happens, David Spade is making out with Heather Locklear (I'm serious, for details check out the Superficial). We must be approaching the End of Days.



9:30: Ryan's trashy red neck mom was mistakenly invited to graduation in Newport by the trailer tramp and now Ryan doesn't know what to do b/c he wasn't going to invite her. I wonder if she'll bedazzle her graduation outfit.

9:36: Bitchin party at Volcheck's place. Maybe he could have saved some of the money spent on drugs and beer to buy himself some sleaves.

9:39: Seth just told Summer that he doesn't love her anymore (a lie). The end is near, David Spade rejoices. There hasn't been such a rough breakup since Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper broke up on the Wonder Years. PS. If you haven't seen Ms. Cooper recently, she's HOT!!


9:42: Bitchy Heather got roofied and is now having guys take turns with her in a van outside of the party. Remember the good old days when the biggest issues on these teen shows that we had to deal with were Jesse Spano's caffeine pill addiction on Saved By the Bell. Somehow, "I'm so excited.....I'm so excited.....I'm soooo scared!" just doesn't cut it in this case.

9:44: Ryan disinvited his mom from graduation, hair crimper shops in Newport sigh in disbelief.

9:46: Isn't it amazing how many places in Orange County don't get decent cell phone service? Hasn't that annoying Verizon guy been out there recently?

9:50: Sandy steals the files from Matt's car, tricks the Dook guy into thinking there were none, then gives Matt some money to get him back on his feet. Is there anything this guy doesn't do? I'd even be willing to grant immunity to this man if he were to sleep with Summer and then wanted to give Seth some parental relationship advice. He's a freak nasty pimp.

9:53: Ryan gets sentimental, reinvites his mom to the graduation, she's psyched. His giant-banged mother is coming to Newport. It's going to be like The Simple Life in reverse, I CAN'T WAIT.

9:57: Seth realizes he's an idiot. He's going to try to get Summer back and sneak into Brown. Sorry buddy, Spade has taken your place. Seriously, how is this guy dating Heather Locklear?



Hope you had as much fun as I did. See you all soon.

Happy Easter

I'm back in the CT today to spend some time with my family. People in Fairfield County hate Easter because it's the only day of the year when they have to put up with commoners wearing pastel colors too. Damn them. I'll be back with more later, including my running diary of this week's very exciting episode of the O.C.